five hugs steven got and one he didn't
by Dragon Elexus
Summary: Steven muses on hugs he's gotten from important people in his life.
**five hugs steven got and one he didn't**

 **1.**

Steven can't remember a time when his Dad's hugs weren't a part of his life. There are the scoop-to-toss ones that end with breathless giggles and his dad's back hurting. "Worth it," he always says. Then, "c'mere," and he tickles Steven until he's sure his sides ache just as much as his dad's back. There are the kneel down, open arms, scratchy face against smooth one, holding on like they're keeping each other on the ground hugs, and Steven likes those a lot, even though they can be sad. They aren't as sad as the ones where his Dad's clothes smell a little funny, and he cries, sometimes while holding mom's picture, and it's Steven who has to initiate those hugs. But it's been years since he's had one of those kinds, so that's okay.

Nothing has ever felt quite like this one.

His dad has been reading him a book about space. It'll be a few years yet before Connie teaches Steven what "reading levels" are, but he still knows this one is a little beyond his grasp. Not that he minds- his Dad's voice is one of his very favorite things, rough and silly and comforting, and he's so tired after moving into the new house all day that it isn't long until he finds himself dozing off to the lull of Greg's narration, his mind filling with dreams of stars and asteroids and space dust. His Dad eases himself out of the bed, arms still wrapped around Steven. Then he squeezes him, once quickly, then again, holding it, holding it, holding it- then releasing.

He presses a kiss to Steven's forehead. Through his mostly asleep-edness, Steven hears his Dad pause at the bottom of the stairs before the screen door swings shut. With stars in his head and the warmth of his father's hug still around his shoulders, Steven lets sleep take hold of him fully.

Tomorrow is the day he begins his new life as a Crystal Gem!

 **2.**

There are so many _almosts_ for him and Connie, and Steven thinks that is just plain unfair.

There is the disastrous first meeting, where he ends up on top of her because he had to save her life from the falling piece of Temple. But then after they break apart and spend _all day_ in the bubble together, they don't do more than hold hands. And that's nice, and that's fine.

But Steven really wants to hug her.

So then they make the plan to go to see Dogcopter 3 (in 3D!). Steven maybe sort of didn't ask his Dad to drive them because he wanted to impress her, and kind of maybe it wasn't just about the magic stuff- because Connie's arms wrapped around his middle as Lion runs beneath them is _almost_ as good as a proper hug. And when her arms come around him and they swing his mom's sword at the angry spinny guy- _that_ is top notch, for sure.

But it's still only an almost hug. It doesn't count.

And the worst part is that this is normally the _opposite_ problem that Steven has! How many times has Lars told him to step off, how many times has Amethyst flipped a hug into a headlock, how many times has Pearl chastened him for not washing his hands first (but with that look Steven now knows means that she's secretly pleased). He _tries_ to remember all people have "different boundaries" when it comes to physical affection but he often _fails_. And this is Connie, his new friend- his _best_ friend?- who seems like she'd really be up for a hug. If Steven could just-muster the courage.

Steven tries not to let it bother him. And Connie is so great, that it doesn't, when they're together anyway.

Connie is picking up sand and clenching a tight fist around it, letting it trickle back onto the beach through her curled pinkie. When the sand is gone, she opens up her fingers, splaying them as far away from each other as she can manage.

"Then what happened?" Steven says. He has almost finally convinced her that her tales of school are as cool to him as Gem stuff is to her.

"I dunno. I guess I just went outside and ate by myself."

"Whaaaat!"

"It's not a big deal, Steven."

"Is too," he insists. "They sound like jerks!"

Connie pauses in her sand gathering. Peers at him through her pink-tinted glasses. Her eyes seem oddly bright.

She flings herself forward, arms wrapping tight around him, knocking them both onto the beach.

"Sorry! Sorry!" she says, scrambling to get a purchase in the sand beneath the both of them. But now they've finally hugged and Steven isn't about to let go, so his arms are still around her shoulders when she manages to sit upright, and they're both laughing, laughing, laughing, covered in sand and noses in each others' hair. Connie re-wraps her arms around Steven and they just sit like that, making up for lost time.

"Thanks for listening," Connie whispers. With a final squeeze, Steven knows it's time to let go of the hug.

For now.

 **3.**

Garnet doesn't give hugs often.

She's just not a hugger. She's cool and mysterious and her smiles are rare things, like snatches of sunlight on a rainy day.

She's perfectly comfortable receiving hugs, though. Steven loves running up to her and wrapping his arm around her thigh, cuddling it tight. She usually won't hug him back, but she'll reach down a hand and ruffle his hair, and that's almost as good.

He does wish, sometimes… _Well_. It's not like he needs hugs. He knows that Garnet loves him, even if she never really says it out loud. It's just- Amethyst and Pearl give _great_ hugs. Amethyst's are huge and warm and bone-crushing, but soft too, and sometimes make it hard to breathe, but they're always worth it. Pearl's hugs are quicker, lighter, but there's an intensity to them, like she might never let go. He wants to know what Garnet's are like.

Maybe she's afraid she'll hurt him, he thinks, when he's a little older. Which is silly. Steven knows that Garnet never would.

Then one night, he's walking back up to the Temple. It's late, but Steven's not sure how late- the last few hours passed like a dream, and he's woken up and he's not really sure how long he was out. Which isn't really a fitting comparison, because he feels _tired_. His eyes are heavy. His bare feet drag on the steps; he's carrying his sandals. He lets them tumble to the floor once he makes it inside the house. Pearl will probably tell him off for making a mess tomorrow, but cleaning's one of her favourite things, so she won't be too annoyed.

"Hello, Steven," Garnet says.

Steven blinks at her. She's sitting on the couch in the lamplight. "Hey, Garnet."

"Your Dad is driving Connie home."

"Yup."

Garnet nods. Steven rushes to fill the silence between them.

"We had fun," he says. It's not a lie, exactly. He did have fun! They _both_ did- Steven knows that with certainty. But the night feels cut into three parts. There was the beginning, with Stevonnie, which was running and wind and laughter and freedom. Then there was the dance, with Stevonnie, which started nice but then was oppressive stares and laboured breathing and terrible loneliness. And then there was the dance, with just Steven and Connie, and that was all good again; glowsticks and music and more laughter. And it was fun.

But Garnet had seemed so excited by his first fusion! She'd smiled bigger than he'd ever seen before! Was she… disappointed? That they hadn't had as much fun as she'd hoped? That he'd walked in the door, instead of Stevonnie?

"I'm glad," she says simply, and then there's a small smile on her face. "You look tired. Bed time."

Steven finishes brushing his teeth, and when he goes up to bed, Garnet is there. She pulls him down onto her lap and wraps her arms around him and hums a few notes into his hair- _c, g, f, b flat, g_ _,_ his brain tells him, even as it fights against the fogginess the lullaby has enhanced.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispers when she thinks Steven is fully asleep.

After that, she hugs him more.

 **4.**

It is so awesome to see Opal again. It's even better when she forgets to unfuse and ends up sticking around the barn, singing with a voice that has Amethyst's breathiness and Pearl's clarity and something entirely Opal's own. Although she pretends to be unimpressed, Steven catches Peridot sneaking awestruck glances across the fire.

He knows things have gotten better between Pearl and Amethyst since that awful day at the Kindergarten. But there's something really nice about seeing it literally embodied in their fusion.

He's sitting in Opal's huge lap by the fire. The last hour's been spent roasting marshmallows, but the bag's almost empty now, and he's feeling full anyway. He finds himself slumping backwards. He should probably go to sleep- tomorrow will be busy.

A huge yawn escapes him, and he's sure someone's going to tell him as much. But Garnet's off being contemplative, and Peridot is still baffled by human sleep schedules, and Opal-

Opal just pulls him in closer, wrapping a pair of her strong arms around him. Carefully, she arranges them until they make a kind of cradle. Then she swings her massive ponytail over her shoulder; it lands flat on Steven's face, making him laugh. She responds with a melodious giggle of her own, before carefully pulling the hair away and arranging it into a makeshift pillow beneath his head. "Comfy?" she asks.

"Yep," Steven says, snuggling in.

He loves his caterpillar sleeping bag, but this is way better. The last thing he sees before he drifts off to sleep is Opal's foreign, familiar face smiling fondly down at him.

When he wakes up the next morning, mind muggy with sleep, he's not immediately sure where he is. He's not in his bedroom, he's not in his sleeping bag… He's lying on something warm and soft, and judging from the noise, he thinks it might be Lion purring. Turns out to actually be Amethyst, fast asleep, snoring her ridiculous snore.

Lying between his head and Amethyst's shoulder is something else, cool and flat, like a very hard pillow. It takes a little bit of wriggling for him to work out that it's a hand, attached to an arm, attached to Pearl, leaning gently against his other side. She's sitting with her legs curled up to her chest, staring at the faint embers of last night's fire. She shifts when she notices him moving.

"Good morning," she says, softly.

"Morning," Steven answers. He glances around. "Where's Garnet and Peridot?"

"Working on the drill," she says. Steven nods. They should be finishing it off soon, maybe even today.

"Wait," he says. "Shouldn't you be helping them?"

"I- well, I will, but Peridot has the project well in hand, and…" She hesitates, blue creeping up her face. "I didn't want to wake you two.

"I can leave, though," she continues. "You're right, I should be helping, and you're up now…"

She starts to pull away, but Steven reaches out, hooks her around the waist, pulls her back in. She strains against it for a moment, then eases in. For a moment her body is tight and rigid, poised as always, before she allows herself to sink into the hug, leaning her head against his.

"A little longer won't hurt," she murmurs.

Snuggled tight between Amethyst and Pearl, Steven sits, listening to the dawn chorus, content as can be.

 **5.**

Peridot doesn't like touching people.

She doesn't _hate_ it. She'll do it if she's asked, or if she has to. She's gotten a lot better, too; she no longer flinches if Garnet lays a hand on her shoulder, or if Amethyst elbows her in the ribs. She actually seems to rather enjoy those touches now, even though she'd never admit it.

But she's never the one to initiate the touching, herself. She never offers a hand for a high-five or a fist-bump. Never slings her arm over someone's shoulder, or gives a pat on the back. Always careful when taking a seat around the fire, or when coming to look at the drill, to leave space between her and others.

Steven's not sure if that's a Peridot Thing or a Homeworld Thing, or even how easily the two can be separated.

Still, he likes to give her her space. Lets her work through things at her own pace. He trips up, sometimes, in his enthusiasm- he thinks she's pretty startled by his sudden, unexpected hugs. And after she stood up to Yellow Diamond, everybody got in on the act- a celebratory triumph hug, but Peridot clearly hadn't been feeling the other Crystal Gems' joy, and neither had she seemed comforted by it. In fact, she seemed downright panicked, oscillating between wild joy and terrified guilt, and Steven _wanted_ to help her, he really did, but he didn't know how.

So he'd listened to her logs. Garnet was right; he shouldn't have. Thankfully, Peridot didn't seemed very concerned, but still, he feels bad. He hopes there'll be a way to make it up to her, and make her feel better about the whole situation in general.

He has an idea, too. He shares it with Connie, to see what she thinks. She's a little bit hesitant about the whole Peridot situation, he knows, but she trusts his judgement, and is impressed by what Peridot did, so she offers to help. They spend an afternoon getting it ready, looking through closets at Connie's house, digging through his Dad's van, even Amethyst's room.

He arrives back at the barn that evening. Peridot is sitting on the ground by the drill, staring at it with an unreadable expression on her face. She's idly turning a screwdriver over and over in her hands. The drill is almost completed; all that's left is the test runs, and then hopefully, the Cluster extraction. She has nothing left to do.

She looks lost.

"Peridot?" Steven says. She starts a little. "I've got something for you."

"What?" She asks, with only a trace of her regular suspicion.

Steven smiles his brightest smile, pulls it out from behind his back, and says, "A present!"

"What is it?" She asks, cocking her head.

"It's a backpack, to hold your stuff," Steven explains, showing her how to wear it, and adjust the straps. "That way, if you find anything you like, you can keep it with you. And I know you don't have a lot yet, so Connie and I found you some things to get you started. If you like them."

He holds the backpack out, and carefully, she takes it. It's green, just like her, except with some dark floral patterns. He watches as she pulls out the other, smaller gifts inside it, explaining when necessary. There's a book ("It's all about Earth's animals and ecosystems and stuff"), a t-shirt with an alien head on it ("To wear!"), a set of Camp Pining Hearts stationery ("To take notes with"), and a bracelet. It was one of Connie's, but she said she hasn't worn it in years. It's elastic, with a bunch of little plastic stars all in a rainbow of colors. "You can wear it on your wrist," he explains. "So you can have stars like the rest of us, if you want."

Peridot stares at it for a long moment, holding it in her hand. She doesn't pull it on.

"But the best part," Steven says, moving on quickly, not wanting to pressure her, "Is this. See the latch, here? It's got this locking mechanism. You can set a numbered code, like this, and then people will only be able to open the bag if they know the code. That way, you can keep anything private to yourself."

(He still feels kind of bad, about not trusting her).

From Peridot's past forays into gift receiving, Steven's not really expecting much in the way of a thank you. So he's more than a little surprised when she suddenly rushes forward, and wraps her arms around his shoulders. A _hug_.

It's awkward. Her elbows are pointy, her whole body is stiff, and she retreats from it quickly. She doesn't meet his eye after, staring at her feet as she mutters a hasty, "Wow, thanks."

That doesn't matter. She'll have plenty of time to get better at it.

 **0.**

Gem skin usually feels kind of plastic-y, but she looks so round in the pictures, so he imagines her feeling more like Connie and Dad, warm and soft. She's so huge that she'd have to reach down to hug him, just like Garnet. But then, maybe she'd pick him up and hold him in her arms, like Pearl does sometimes. He imagines her smelling like soil, and the flowers in her garden, but with that electric undercurrent the Gems have, especially just after they've regenerated. He wonders if all her hair would get into his face and tickle, like with Amethyst and Opal. He wonders if she'd carry him gently, or squeeze him tight.

It looks like he'll finally get to find out.

He runs forward, spreading his arms out; she leans down, doing the same, smiling a huge smile, and he jumps up to meet her-

She _is_ soft. So soft. Soft as clouds.

He holds her a little too hard. Dress and hair and smile vanish like mist in his arms. Steven's left standing in her room, alone.

It is his 745th day as a Crystal Gem, and he should know better by now.

oOoOoOo

 **Author's Note:** Co-Authored by my dear friend LadyRavenEye. If you enjoyed this, I highly suggest you check out her work; there's a link to her Ao3 account on my profile page.


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